Beltway Bonnies Return Home for Fordham
Whoa, the Brown and White haven't played in the Reilly Center in 24 days, folks. This is preposterous. I can only assume this is like how the San Antonio Spurs always have a February road trip because of a rodeo. There must have been a Cutco Knives convention in the RC or something.
Not a problem, Bonaventure went 3-1 on a long road trip, including winning the 2 more important games: road conference ones. It was nice of Our Guys to spot Mason 15 points early, so we didn't embarrass them with a 27-point drubbing. That would have been more than we beat Gannon by and I wouldn't want to do that to our good friend Petey. He already has to deal with Uncle Vinny rubbing all these Bona's wins in his face at every family get-together.
Our Road Warriors now return to the Enchanted Mountains with what is, on paper, the easiest A10 game possible: home against Fordham. You might expect me to talk about how we are definitely going to win this game and how de Blasio needs to shut down the school for gross incompetence, but we'll do that later.
I'll trash FU 363-364 days a year (364 this year because it's a leap year and we play them twice), but on game day, I have my own Saving Private Ryan-style flashbacks.
*film reel clicks, projector turns on, old-timey piano plays*
It was March 9, 2013. The winter Olean snow was making way for the spring slush, which then gets frozen over immediately after the sun sets. Macklemore was warning us about how the fast fashion industry was contributing to climate change with his song "Thrift Shop." Ben McLemore was one-and-done at Kansas. The Bonnies were defending A10 champions, but that wouldn't last for very long. A useless 3-13 Fordham squad beat the Bonnies on Demetrius Conger's senior night, knocking us down to 7-9 on the last day of A10 play.
"But BonaCommenter," you Gen Z Bonnies say, while fighting off cotton candy-flavored tuberculosis you got from vaping with USB drives. "Why would 7-9 be so bad? Surely we still had a chance in Brooklyn."
That's where you're wrong, kids.
See, this was the weird year where Temple and Charlotte couldn't take the hint to leave the A10 alone and go enjoy Tuesday afternoon bowl games or whatever. However, the new puppy named VCU that we got to replace those Old Yellers was already here. Also, Butler showed up for some reason, making this season basically the Anchorman II fight scene. Anyways, because the CDC had not yet discovered the health benefits of having a Wednesday Night Pillow Fight, the bottom 4 teams didn't make the A10 Tournament. It would have been Meech's final game as a Bonnie in his hometown of Brooklyn, and a team from The Bronx ruined it.
That, kids, is why I'll never truly take Fordham lightly.
I'm writing this on Friday, though, so no more pregame traumatic flashbacks. If you follow my award-winning Twitter account, you'll know my current brand is "I Think Fordham Should Leave." This is, of course, a reference to I Think You Should Leave, the #1 show of 2019 in my personal record book. If you haven't watched it yet, stop reading this and watch one of the six 15-minute episodes on Netflix. It's more life altering than having your own Rothstein-ism. You still haven't answered my questions about your connection to the Pizza Bomber, Jon.
Anyways, that is my official stance on Fordham, I think they should leave. Last week, I said they should be kicked out because of this ridiculous bad beat for me, but I have since softened my stance. They should leave, but we shouldn't kick them out because it's too much fun with them here.
Having Fordham in the Atlantic 10 is like playing the drinking game Kings (or Circle of Death or whatever you may call it, it's this game...). Picking up a card and putting it under the can's tab is like beating Fordham: it's pretty easy. However, one too many cards get under the tab, some unlucky soul cracks the beer open and has to drink it.
That's what losing to FU is like. It happens to some good team once almost every year and it's EMBARRASSING. Last year, it was URI losing at home in OT. In 2018, it was Duquesne losing at home by 23 (!!!). In 2017, VCU lost in OT. We already talked about us in 2013. Everyone else in the A10 laughs at you, while you have to chug the lukewarm Natty Light that is losing to Maroon Rams.
Wow, I went this far without mentioning the President of the United States (at least he still is, at the time I wrote this) spent a couple years at Fordham. Look at me showing restraint! That's more restraint than he could ever possibly show. Hey, you, MAGA Chud! Don't close that tab! I won't dwell on him in this preview. I'll save it for when we go to Rose Hill in a few weeks. Generalissimo Adderall is safe from THESE TWITTER-TURNED-BLOGGER HANDS for now...
Do I really need to explain why there's no Fordham fan interview? Let's just get to the things.
Seven Steps to Victory
Be careful, because with the way the Nets (16-20) and the Knicks (10-28) have looked, Fordham (6-8) might actually be the best team in NYC this season.
Lana Del Rey also went to Fordham, so maybe Jeff Neubauer will be too busy brooding at a scenic overlook on the Pacific Coast Highway to coach.
Speaking of Neubauer, he may too busy thinking about the Czech Republic instead of Czeching his gameplan...
FU alum Denzel Washington starred in the movie Unstoppable, a movie filmed in Olean about a train that's about to crash. Pretty hard not to see the metaphor about the Rams there...
I'm sure at least one player will pull a Vontae Davis and transfer at halftime.
Make special brownies before the game so Fordham is literally too high.
For the love of God, PLEASE DON'T LET THIS EVEN BE A CLOSE GAME, BONNIES...
You're probably thinking, "Oh wow, here's the part where he brags about being SO GOOD at 2k. 🙄" Well, folks, we are all mortal...
BonaCommenter's Score on #a102k20: Fordham 95, Bona's 86
SBUnfurled edit to add: I also wasted a good hour of my life beating Fordham 73-60 on 2K.
Unrealistic 2k Stat of the Game: Onyi Eyisi put up 16 points and 20 rebounds. I didn't foul out with Osun. I wasn't on hallucinogenics. I don't know how this calamity happened.
Bonnies A10Talk.com Forum Quote of the Day: "Costed me at least two at leest five atilla the cosby the gw the hun dred at leesh two grand." [Lester, like the Bonnies, is BACK.]
Fordham Message Board (yes, they have one) Quote of the Day: [after last year's blowout at our other NYC home arena, Rose Hill Gym] "These games where we are not competitive in our own gym and outnumbered by the opposition fans are really hard to take. Add to that a day when we are honoring two great Fordham basketball Rams and we don't even show up on the court for the pride of the moment. It is really discouraging and hard to try to find a rationale that this will get better any time soon. Being a Fordham fan is difficult to say the least!"
I have a feeling it's going to be a little more difficult on Saturday...