The Bonnies began another decade of dominance by storming our nation's capital and impeaching George Washington. Sure, we got out to a slower start in the first half, but once we remembered we have one of the best centers in the A10, it was easy to dispose of the Colonials's so-called "mayhem." The "turkey hunt" paid actors posing as fans behind the GW bench neatly put their signs away with about 4 minutes to go and began filling out their expense reports for their trips to Office Depot.
Like another conquering leader by the name of Ulysses Grant, Mark Schmidt has crossed the Potomac River from DC to vanquish a slave-owning enemy in the South who hated the Constitution: George Mason. The history of the GooMoos starts and ends with one year: 2006. They beat a bunch of blue bloods and made the Final Four, the first mid-major to make it since Larry Bird and Indiana State in 1979.
Since GMU fans have way more self-awareness than rival VCU fans, they don't remind you of the 2006 Final Four in every breath and, unlike VCU, Mason fans actually understand basketball existed before 2011. Still, because of their modesty, literally no one remembers George Mason made a Final Four, overshadowed by the Evilest of Rams and A10 carpetbagger Butler as mid-major Cinderella stories. This is your future, by the way, Loyola-Chicago.
That Final Four is literally the only reason George Mason isn't still in the CAA, playing schools who haven't been good at sports since the 1600s like William & Mary. As a fan of the Bonnies, who also joined the A10 less than a decade after our only Final Four, I'm offended the leaders at One Atlantic Ten Boulevard would lower the conference's standards like this. I mean, George Mason's logo includes a star that's used as a tattoo for literally every douchey guy ever.
We're going to do things a little differently in some of these next previews, since this is the first game Bonaventure has played against a team with an actual fanbase this season. I'm going to introduce you to some opposing fans and show you that the stars of #A10Twitter are just like us!
Our first guest brought behind enemy lines is Petey Buckets. Unlike my nonsense, Petey provides some great content on and off Twitter for all A10 teams. He co-hosts the #Hey10 conference-wide podcast, a Mason-specific podcast called By George and contributes for the By George website. He also somehow makes Bitmojis look cool.
Mr. Buckets told me what most George Mason fans think about Bonnies fans:
"Please don't hurt us," mixed with a respectful ambivalence. We're 1-7 against you in the A10, mostly thrashings. I think everybody loved watching Jaylen Adams and Matt Mobley play, and it's hard not to like Schmidt. Weird thing about being in a new conference is the hatred just isn't there, or it feels forced.
See, I told you the Pride of Worcester inspired him. You may think fans like Petey would be scared by our big three, but it turns out, it could be someone else.
Very random but Nelson freaking Kaputo handed us our asses in Fairfax on the best night of his career. Since Dave Paulsen has been coach, a few times a year we get absolutely torched by some random asshole off the bench, and Kaputo is probably the best example. I don't think we've ever played a close game so I guess I'll go with that.
morgan_freeman_hes_right_you_know.jpg. The average Bonnies margin of victory is 12 points against the Pats since they joined the A10 in 2013-14. In fact, the only one of the 11 all-time games between SBU and GMU that was in the single digits is a 63-60 win by the Good Guys over Mason in December 1987. Despite consistent asskickings, there's no hatred towards the Brown Cult.
The most memorable thing about Bonnies fans for me is how you can go to the A10 tournament, watch a random game like Duquesne-Richmond, and you'll hear some very drunken "GO BONAS" screams during the quiet times. I would love for Mason fans to be like that but overall we're kind of lame.
In fact, Mr. Buckets may venture into the Himalayas one day.
I've never been to Olean, but I grew up in the middle of nowhere in a high school with a championship basketball program. Few things beat that feeling of *everyone* you know in town getting amped for a big game, the buzz in the arena, and the intensity of a close game with an invested crowd. I imagine the Reilly Center is kind of like that. On TV it looks awesome. If I can ever make the timing work I would absolutely trek out for a Friday or Saturday night game when the students are in session.
Upon further investigation, it appears this Patriot is, deep down, a Bonnie.
I have an uncle (more like my dad's cousin but whatever) who went to Bonaventure in the 70's. He's a five foot two old world New York-Italian who's an asshole but also a riot. If you say you don't want a beer he'll ask what the fuck is wrong with you.
I don't think he would last very long on the B*ndwag*n.
He took one of those Ancestry DNA tests and it told him he was 4% African (again, he's a little white guy from Pelham). His first response was to point at his zipper and tell everyone to guess where the 4% went. When I was younger we were at some sort of family reunion and someone yelled at him to come over and play tug of war. He yelled back TUG THIS and kept smoking and drinking in place.
Maybe I'm Petey's uncle?
He's a huge Bonnies fan. He's still steamed they weren't invited to the Big East back when it was founded. Every time I interact with a Bonaventure fan on twitter I imagine I'm interacting with Uncle Vinny. He's all of you as far as I'm concerned.
I don't know about you, but I'd watch a sequel to My Cousin Vinny called My Uncle Vinny, where Vinny goes down to Louisiana and is the lawyer for Petey after he's wrongly accused of murder during the 2022 Final Four in New Orleans.
Seven Steps to Victory
Remind Schmidt that these Patriots are different from his Patriots that lost to the Titans.
Be prepared and remember GMU is the decent George, GWU is the crappy George