Healthier Bonnies Take Talents to South Florida for Boca Raton Boomer Classic
Updated: Dec 10, 2019
Well folks, we're going on a holiday trip. A 1,350 mile trip. The destination on Waze isn't just Boca, but to the lovely city of "Back." On Tuesday night, the Bonnies packed up the car and are bringing a nearly healthy Osun and English with them. While the offense soon reverted back to being as slow as a DMV line, those first 10 minutes with the return of Osun and English were a magical high.
It's a true showing of the Late November Avian Culinary holiday spirit (Trump says people aren't letting us say Th*nksgiv*ng anymore, so it must be true) that Schmidt gave the entire Atlantic 10 three weeks of a head start. It allows some A10 guys who will be nice role players in smaller European leagues like Obi Toppin to get some exposure.
We are basically eccentric billionaires who are treating the rest of the A10 like people we've captured to hunt on our private island for sport, just like Jeff Bezos . We've given the entire A10 a 3 week head start, while we casually pull out our weapons like Osun and a functioning offense whenever we feel like it.
We now shift our attention to the premier Feast Week tournament: The Boca Raton Boomer Classic. This tournament has everything for the 55+ crowd: lower scoring offenses, a bar in Boca literally named Boomer's, and uneducated discussions about Brexit. Sure, this tournament was supposed to be played at Rory McIlroy's house in Northern Ireland, but it moved because Brexit happened or didn't happen or who knows? I was planning on going over there, but it's probably best we all didn't. Bonnies fans would have ended up in the wrong Ireland after "sampling" local beverages and somehow sparked another war there.
Unless the Boca Raton Boomer Classic gets taken over by Joe Castiglione at the 11th hour and we get sent down to the Boca NIT bracket with Canisius, our first opponent will be San Diego. Not Kawhi's San Diego, the other ones. Unfortunately, we'll be at a disadvantage since San Diego is also on a beach, while the only beach we have is in front of Dev.
San Diego has only won one game in the NCAA Tournament ever. They beat UConn in 2008 in Tampa, but it wasn't even the best game of the day there. They actually made the NIT last season, but lost basically everyone but Ron Burgundy's stepson. This season has been much tougher for the Toreros, with a win over Fresno State in the friendly confines of Jenny Craig Pavilion (yes, it's called that), along with knocking off Weber State about 49 years after Damian Lillard left there.
The Monday game (Sunday-Monday tournaments should be an NCAA violation) will be against Florida Atlantic or Illinois-Chicago. Assuming we give the Toreros the horns and win, we'll be playing FAU. UIC lost by 30 points to Canisius. I wouldn't even be able to show my face if we lost to a team as bad as Canisius. UIC is for anyone who wants to root for DePaul, but is too afraid of being seen as jumping on the Oliver Purnell bandwagon.
You may think it would be tough to play a road game in the Owls nest, but it'll likely be another instance of more Bona fans than home team fans in an arena. I call that a Rose Hill Special folks. There are probably more Bona transplants in Palm Beach County than anyone who has ever seen an FAU sporting event, especially basketball.
Florida Atlantic started playing basketball in 1988. The Bonnies have turned 100, while the Owls are entitled 31-year-old millennials. FAU will be too busy Tik Tok-ing themselves on the bench, while the only Tik Tok we'll be worried about is clock management around the media timeouts folks.
Unlike Mercer, FAU couldn't even beat the "Dunk City" abandoned amusement park that is FGCU, I guess proving that the beaches are better on Florida's left coast? FAU is 3-3, with their only win against a D-1 team coming last night against 0-6 Holy Cross. Does that even count as D-I?
Seven Steps to Victory
Take all 5 Toreros boomer fans out to a large meal for an early bird special, so they sleep through the Sunday night at 9 tipoff.
Frustrate San Diego on offense by having all our players do Ron Burgundy impressions. If there's anything that must annoy San Diegonians, it's a bunch of people saying "stay classy."
Don't get distracted by the notorious nightlife of Boca Raton and stay in sleepy Miami.
Maybe don't have Lofton play all 80 minutes, run 6 miles after games and then clean the garbage out of the arena like he usually does? Maybe give Johnson a couple minutes at PG?
When playing FAU on Monday, tell Lane Kiffin that Jason Garrett was fired and the Cowboys are hiring him so he holds a press conference that distracts FAU's fan.
If UIC somehow beats FAU, tell the Flames the championship game will be played at FIU. They won't know the difference.
Just wait for the game clock to strike 4:20 in each half, when FAU will turn into Florida Men and start riding gators and doing meth.
Bona Bandwagon Commenter's Score on #a102k20: Haven't played 2k.
Unrealistic 2k Stat of the Game: The fact that I went more than a day without playing 2k.
Bandwagon Quote of the Day from the LesterGreen Debates: "In my conversation with elitetaylor33 (a Bandwagon administrator/gestapo) today about my deleted post he called me a liar and completely mis-characterized the above letter. This is one person who has absolutely lost it. I honestly feel bad for him."
San Diego Message Board Quote of the Day: "Macrobid Find For sale secure isotretinoin tablets website free shipping <a href=http://drugsir.com>cheap cialis</a> Viagra Generico Al Miglior Prezzo Avodart Lowest Price"(last post in a basketball thread on October 3rd)
Florida Atlantic Message Board Quote of the Day: "I still think we should g back to the A-Sun and be a football only American Athletic Conference team." (after losing to FGCU)
Illinois-Chicago Message Board Quote of the Day: "I mean, we’re not even trying. We’re not even a good D3 team at this point. We’re losing by 20+ in the first half to Canisius...lol."
#FREELESTERGREEN and let's return to Allegany at 3-0* folks!
* - in games with an actual full roster