Bonnies End Great Decade Against SUNY at Buffalo
Previously, on our favorite show "The Bonnies," our heroes overcame 26 points from CJ Jones, the worst stream in the history of sports and exhaustion after back-to-back tough opponents in Gannon and Niagara, to take down Middle Tennessee State. It was a victory for the team, all of us who were there the last time the Bonnies were in Tennessee in 2012, and Geico. Those smug State Farm agents from Murfreesboro were no match for my favorite pharmaceutical sales rep from North Attleboro, Massachusetts, who picked up his 300th career win.
Bonaventure closes out one of the best decades in our history against a rival(?) in SUNY at Buffalo. This will be the second "road" game SBU plays in Buffalo this season that's really neutral-site at best. It'll also be a revenge game for two reasons: the Bonnies actually lost to the Bulls somehow last season, and martyr LesterGreen was banned from the B*ndwag*n after he was viciously attacked by one of their fans and acted in self-defense.
While SUNY at Buffalo had an objectively impressive win over us in the RC last year, the game was secondary to the histrionics of former head coach Nate Oats. He made a real fool of himself, celebrating the win over us more than when they won an actual NCAA tournament game against Arizona in 2018. I then revealed the bombshell report that he has a mistress, leading him to block me on Twitter. A few months later, he fled the state, joining Roy Moore in disgrace in Alabama.
Since then, the Bulls have fallen back to their typical selves, losing to trash teams like Dartmouth and Army. This is a school whose crowning achievement in sports is beating a former A10 team that didn't even have football 7 years ago in something called the Makers Wanted Bahama Bowl. The makers of that game gave SUNY at Buffalo all the exposure it deserves of a 2 p.m. kickoff during a workday.
You would think fans of this collection of useless buildings in Amherst would be upset about that, but they don't even know they have a football team. When we play at the cavernous concrete shit-hole known as Alumni Arena, there are more Bona alumni there than SUNY at Buffalo fans. I was inside our friendly confines off I-290 the last time we were there in 2017, when Mobley put up 25, Jay Adams returned from injuries and we took over their home once again on and off the court. Forget Hilbert, the arena sounded like we had a partnership with SUNY at Buffalo, folks.
The few SUNY at Buffalo fans that do exist live in constant envy of Bona's, since we actually have history, a unique culture and play in a conference that isn't only a gambling meme like #MACtion. SUNY at Buffalo is the auto-tune of college athletics. Just as the latter has torn the identity and soul of the contemporary music industry, the former is a revolving door of boilerplate marketing gimmicks to blend in with every other mid-level state school across Division 1.
We're 10-3 all-time in the series, so this is more of a game we generously bestow upon the Bulls, rather than a rivalry. It's hard for a commuter school like SUNY at Buffalo to get fans in the building, so at least they're guaranteed to hit more than 67% capacity once every two years at "home."
The second-best Amherst in Division I likes to claim President Millard Fillmore as its most prominent alum. However, further research shows he really just taught himself and worked in a law firm before getting into politics. The most well-known alum of SUNY at Buffalo is really Jeanine Pirro, a sentient box of Franzia with a megaphone for a nozzle. This heroine for heroin addicts once drove almost 120 miles per hour on the Southern Tier Expressway.
Seven Steps to Victory
The ghost of Bobby Hurley still looms over their program, so count on a player to slap the floor before giving up 5 straight buckets.
All 12 Bulls fans will be in Houston for the upcoming Bills-Texans Wild Card game, so we should have the whole place to ourselves.
Hopefully Osun got a new, slimmer knee brace for Christmas.
This is a Big Four game, so Ikpeze may literally be used as a big four.
Playing a team in Amherst is usually good for us because there's another certain satellite campus located in an Amherst that we've owned lately.
It's always nice to have the top scorer in Western NY high school basketball history when you play against a team in Section 6.
Our win over D2 Gannon is more impressive than their D3 win over Nazareth.
Bona Bandwagon Commenter's Score on #a102k20: Bona's 82, SUNY at Buffalo 68
Unrealistic 2k Stat of the Game: Never trailed. (This is a pretty even matchup according to that nerd KenPom, so I honestly don't think we'll win wire-to-wire)
This is normally where a B*ndwag*n quote would go, but as you are probably aware, I have become the latest victim of shadow bans and this administration's attack on freedom of speech. I'll use this space to address it briefly. I know most of you don't care about a website that almost exclusively caters to people who have their phones set to size 24 font.
My incriminating post after the MTSU win was this:
"Good Thing We Banned Lester! Everything Is So Wonderful Here Again!"
I don't know how this possibly could be interpreted as offensive. I had successfully fooled the rubes there by being a normal b*ndwag*n commenter. I was merely offering my undying praise to Supreme Leaders bonas08 and elitetaylor. Instead, on Christmas Eve, I had to tell my kids that daddy was fired from the Take Factory. SBUnfurled was also unceremoniously banned in this latest wave of Putin-style disappearances of critics.
We have allies still behind enemy lines. The majority of the people support us. We will remain strong and this is far from over. I have officially removed B*ndwag*n from my name, so I'm no longer Bona B*ndwag*n Commenter or BBC (which made me VERY popular in a certain sub-section of the Internet). Just "Bona Commenter" or "That Twitter Account With About 20% Funny Tweets" will do.
SUNY at Buffalo Message Board Quote of the Day: "This is the Big one. Beating Bonas would make this a great OOC and show that we can be WNYs team. Just a shame the admin decided to schedule it without students there so they could sell more tickets to Bonas fans. It kills the whole home advantage."
The rest of the decade is shaping up well: hammer SUNY at Buffalo on New Year's Eve Eve, get hammered on New Year's Eve.