As War Rages On, Lester Speaks
Updated: Jun 16
It has undoubtedly been a distressing week for all involved in the ongoing Civil War, but no one has endured more hardships than our dear friend, Dr. Lester Green. He has been kidnapped and silenced by those on the other side. Early intelligence from the front indicates that BannedWagon goober-peas and troops are holding Lester hostage in a bivouac just northwest of Maplehurst.
Despite all this, a message (shown below) from Lester was smuggled through enemy lines, and an espionage was able to relay questions to and from our treasured P.O.W. before signing in to his account. We stand in solidarity with our dear brother, Lester, and will not let him be silenced.
From Citizen X: Dear Dr. Lester: I noticed that a lot of the members on the banned wagon exhibit a poor mastery of the rules of grammar and spelling. Your posts, on the other hand, seem always to be written with great clarity and decorum in mind. Would you please point out some of the most important grammatical and/or conversational rules we aspiring writers should observe? Feel free to mention any particular banned wagon contributor who provides a commendable example or any who repeat the most egregious errors. Thank you in advance for your kind words of advice. Your humble servant, Citizen X.
Dr. Green: It may sound simple, Citizen X, but my writing advice is to avoid trying to do too much. Understand the basics: clauses; coordination; subordination; proper use of the comma and the semicolon. Utilize the basic rules of grammar, bub, to say whatever it is you are attempting to say--and say it as clearly and simply as is possible for the average reader to comprehend.
As for your last question:
Buddy look pal am to a prizonger of to wart so I cant not say nuttin bout those caulksukers over der or I get whipt agen they ain't treat to me welt this is juss like andersong ville juss like the confudgertits armee prisong camps bub so look pal lee me alonge or elss membah bonas08 he is in the looney bin bub so he is to capable of the baddest the worsse thingz he cant to drink can no hangle his lickher
From "Hawt Gurrrl": Lester: How did your Johnson-Bar get so huge?
Dr. Green: Juss came dat whey baby juss came dat ways 250 pounds
From Mike Muscala: Where will Lester be prepping before the Hofstra game?
Dr. Geen: Mike man nobuddy no wat any of them are pal but hoshtra game yeah pal I am to drink the lickher the suds two Angee's so am to b in tuch
From Daniel Yereance: Why do I hesitate and stop myself from talking to girls I want to talk to?
Dr. Geen: Danielle bud me two sumtime pal bud is to prolly cuz you are the fraid to be vulnerable bud prolly that an prolly fear of the rejeck shun bud is my gess
From Fred Oswick: Bobby Planutis is the bastard child of Gilligan and Olive Oyl, according to reports on the Como Blowhorn. True?
Dr. Geen: Fred buddy boy ur so rite bud never forgot it is to the moss poplar noose paper the cuomo brown thorn pal ur so hangsome forever am to miss Opel Ostwick the butee queeng
From Joe Smith: Lester, who was your hero growing up?
Dr. Geen: Joesmiff bud leaf me to fuc alone pal